


i would've; you couldn't

by alephnull



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Lie Low At Lupin's, M/M, i mean as canon as we can get with wolfstar being together but you know what i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 23:03:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11999772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alephnull/pseuds/alephnull
Summary: They finally talk aboutitwhen Sirius shows up on Remus' doorstep, filthy and drenched, with orders from Dumbledore.





	i would've; you couldn't

“I’ll sleep on the couch. The bed’s upstairs,” Remus said as soon as Sirius stepped inside his small, cosy home.

Of course he would say that as soon as Sirius set foot indoors.

“Bullshit. I can make do with the couch; I haven’t slept on a bed in thirteen fucking years now. A couch will be heaven compared to the cold hard ground.” Sirius’ eyes burned into Remus’ with equal intensity; neither of them would relent.

They both knew that they could be individually stubborn enough to win this argument with anyone but each other. If they went on, nobody would be sleeping on either the couch or the bed.

“That’s exactly why you need to sleep on the bed! What kind of dickhead would I be, making you sleep on the couch after everything you’ve been through?” Remus retorted, murky green eyes glaring right back at Sirius.

“Look, I’m probably not used to sleeping in a bed anyway. I might be awake all night.” Sirius’ voice was already losing its conviction, though; he knew that Remus would not let down.

Smirking at the change in Sirius’ voice, Remus gestured at the stairs. “Go and shower and then get some rest. You look terrible.”

Quickly, though, Sirius regained his stubbornness.

“If you insist I sleep on the bed, then sleep with me.”

“What?”

Though Sirius’ heart pounded at the thought of being rejected— _what if he won’t? What if he hates me?_ —he still stood as tall as he could manage in such a state. Regardless of where Sirius slept, he was not going to have Remus sleeping on the couch.

“What? I’m still your-” Sirius broke off, momentarily wondering if he should talk about _that_. It had been hanging unspoken in the air ever since they had found Pettigrew in the Shrieking Shack. “Your-”

Remus’ eyes widened as if Sirius had just admitted to manslaughter.

“Sirius, it’s been _thirteen years_. You know things are… that things aren’t the same.”

They were getting off-topic, but Sirius wanted to say something.

“I know. I know things are different now and we can’t be together anymore, but…” Sirius shook his head. Why were they talking about this? They could share a bed platonically—they had done so many times at Hogwarts before they had gotten together—yet he still, for some reason, wanted to assert that he still cared for Remus. _Why?_ Remus clearly didn’t care for Sirius anymore, and for good reason too.

“I still love you, Remus, and I wanted—still do, if I somehow could—to grow old with you, to love you forever.”

Remus was quick to respond.

“ _No_. Sirius, now is not the time. Go and shower.”

“Would you just fucking _listen_?” Sirius growled, grabbing one of Remus’ wrists. “I wanted to _marry_ you.”

Remus was shaking his head now. “Don’t say that.”

“But it’s _true_! I was going to propose to you. We were going to adopt kids and a dog, maybe, become one of those married couples who everyone hates just because they always act so lovey-dovey around each other. I would’ve wanted to buy a family home with you and to see our kids go to Hogwarts and finish it; I would’ve seen our kids become the next Marauders and we could’ve been the parents who are liked by all their kids’ friends. I wanted-”

“ _Shut up, Sirius_! Do you never just _stop_?” Remus snapped, eyes flashing. “I said _no_.”

“ _And_ ,” Sirius continued, ignoring Remus’ outburst, “I don’t care if you do all that with someone else. I want you to be happy and if I don’t make you happy anymore, that’s fine by me. But I just want you to know that if I could turn back time, if I could go back to that day, I would change it all for you. I would’ve done all that with you.”

“You wouldn’t, and we both know that. You couldn’t.” Remus didn’t seem angry anymore, just lethargic and sad.

“I would, I would, I _would_.”

Remus shook his head, refusing to meet Sirius’ gaze.

“That’s enough now,” Remus replied softly. “That’s enough. Let’s get the hot water running and you can wash all that dirt off of you.”

Sirius gave Remus a broken look and then made to walk up the stairs.


End file.
